And that’s not the only high school learnin’ I’ve brought out of retirement lately. Today, I had to do algebra at work to invoice a client. Specifically, I had to use Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally. It’s important to note this math wizardry is coming from a girl who is so bad at math, she was forbidden from taking any math higher than Algebra II. Yes, I am so bad at math, my high school wouldn’t even let me sit in a room with other people doing it. I still haven’t balanced a chemical equation or used the quadratic formula – but maybe I’ll get around to that this weekend.

In other exciting news, my face is sunburned and wind chapped from Miami. I look like Samantha’s “Beef Carpaccio” face from Sex and the City and I have no idea how to fix it. I’m thisclose to making a pumpkin face mask (I found a moisturizing mask recipe online) and just taking a long ass nap in it. I will be in Breckenridge this weekend so I have to do something fast before my face just rips in half.

Finally, starting Jan 1, my company let me work from home one day a week. Since the beginning of 2012 has been a smidge busy – Thursdays from home have involved hunching over my desk ripping my hair out. Today, however, is turning out much better. Funny how much more you can get done when you arent spinning 900 plates – and dropping 899 of them. Working from home is a weird hybrid of being unemployed yet also employed. Its like the best of both worlds. I can watch Fatal Honeymoons on E! while running a client call. In between calls, I can do laundry and eat leftovers. I can get used to this!

And these.

All in all, we had a TOTAL BLAST! Like, best time ever. Great hotel. Great food (anyone visiting Miami – go to Sra. Martinez immediately for the most amazing tapas of your life). Wonderful company. I drank 390 pineapple mojitos and I could not be happier for my bestie lady and her wonderful fiance.

I’ve been to Miami before but for some reason, this time around, I felt like I was legit visiting Europe. And not nice, classy Europe – eurotrash Europe. The kind of Europe with Europeans who dress like baby Bulgarian prostitutes and cut in lines. They buy clothes by Guess Marciano and wear heels to the beach with oversize beach bags that look like dead dogs. They go topless when its not ok and their kids wear speedos and pee on the sidewalk. By the end, I wanted to dance to the airport singing Coming to America by Neil Diamond - wearing denim on denim with American flag suspenders.

I’m glad to be home, but missing all the ladies. If anything, it just makes me realize how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends in my life! I can’t wait for the wedding in March. Breakers, here I come!

Y’all, these crimes were terrible and I have no idea who did it but I do know one thing. People from rural Arkansas are crazy as balls. There are like three teeth in the entire town and everyone works at the Bojangles. I don’t even know.

Since I didn’t get my fill of Paradise Lost on Friday night . . . It only made sense for me to watch Paradise Lost 2 on Saturday and the final installment (yep, Paradise Lost 3) tonight. I’m starting to get mad about the entire thing because everyone is pointing fingers everywhere and forgetting about the kids who lost their lives. Can you say “emotionally invested”?

When I wasn’t glued to HBO, I managed to get out of the house this past weekend to pick up a few goodies for my upcoming trip to Miami this weekend. I’m heading out there for a bachelorette party and I might never come back. Highs in the 70′s beachside? I’ll take it!

Now if I could only learn how to cut and paste on this thing. And yes, I’ve had this thing since March.

That I’m copying all of my Mom’s most fantastic Christmas recipes for a NYE party tomorrow night?

That I don’t ever want to take down my Christmas tree? Or that I keep putting ornaments on it?

That I love putting events and plans into a fresh, blank 2012 planner?

That I have been sleeping in a robe because I think its comfortable and warm?

That I’m addicted to my neti pot and I use it every day?

That I keep new gifts in the boxes for weeks until I use them? Or that I don’t like to wear new clothes immediately and I save them for weeks?

That I want a Labradoodle?

Christmas is over. Meh. I’ll do a recap soon because I know all my .98 readers of mine are on the edge of their collective seats to know how Houston was.

This is usually my least favorite time of year because I feel like there is nothing really to look forward to but for some reason, this year doesn’t have me as depressed. Some people are totes ready for 2011 to be over but for me, it was another (praisefully and thankfully) good year of health and general happiness. I wonder what 2012 has in store?

I think I’ve mentioned before I don’t make resolutions. I make goals. Very attainable goals. 2012′s goals are pretty cut and dry.

KISS – Keep It Simple, Stupid: 2012 will have fewer trips, fewer committments and (crossing like alllll my fingers and toes and knocking on all kinds of wood) fewer monetary expenditures. We are going to live like we did when I was a stay at home wife.

Grown Up House: Last year, we burned through a serious wad remodeling the outside of our house. This year, we are working on the inside. A girl needs a few things to feel 30 years old. Like, I dont know – a headboard on our bed, a few window treatments, new towels, and sheets. Hell, I’ll even take a bed that isn’t broken (thanks, Huz) Is this too much to ask for? I promise I’ll keep costs low.

Move My Ass: This is a goal every year. I guess I don’t need to elaborate as it’s really just about being healthy. In the spirit of sinus health (which plagues me like a bad decision), I bought some Goldenseal extract today to add to my tea. After doing some research, I think it should help. Check it.

Huzby and I will be ringing in 2012 chowing down on surf and turf with friends. A HUGE change from the crazy ass chaos that was Widespread Panic last year. So happy to NOT be downtown with the masses. It’s cool to be old.

This makes me laugh every year.

Last night was especially exciting because Huz and I had a DD who not only came a PICKED US UP but also delivered us home safe and sound. My friend wasn’t drinking so she volunteered to be the Rudolf to our collective Santas - more like a sleigh with 3 drunk people and one responsible one. I of course, kept drawing comparisons to the Griswold’s because I can’t ever get enough of that movie.

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After not shopping for months, I decided to go to Nordstrom today “just to see what they had”. I’m not quite sure why I did this a week before Christmas but whatevs. I walked out with three shirts, a pair of lavender skinny cords (I don’t know) and some socks. I might return a shirt (I’m not totally in love with it) but the trip satisfied my need to spend money on myself. I also swung by Tuesday Morning which is TOTALLY a guilty pleasure of mine. It did not dissapoint. Then I came home and made Christmas cookies and ate 3/4 of them.

I’m reading this right now – and I look forward to reading in bed every night.

Next week I have a two day work week and then it’s a day off and then its off to Texas to celebrate Christmas with the fam. I seriously can’t wait. Last year, Huz and I had just closed on our house and we were here in Denver alone. We saw A Christmas Carol downtown on Christmas Eve – and made a special dinner on Christmas Day but it was still just me and Eric. Maybe we will just keep traveling for the holidays until we have kids.

5:30AM – I’m awakened as Huz rolls over and our bedframe collapses. Because we don’t have time to get a new one, 1/2 our bed is being held up with old text books until we can get to Target to pick up a new one. 

8:30AM – Duct cleaning man (Felipe) arrives at my house.

8:35AM – Felipe informs me he cannot clean the ducts because there is some connecting piece on our furnace that is made of asbestos. WTF. Our furnace is basically brand new and was installed in May of 2010. This don’t make no sense.

8:36AM – I think about punching Felipe. Felipe leaves.

8:38AM – I have a “why did we buy an old ass house” moment. Frantically text husband with FML details because sometimes nothing is easy.

9:00AM – I accept the situation and head into the office.

10AM – A button rips off my cardigan . . . right over my crotch. I’m wearing long black leggings so there’s the visual.

11AM – I attempt to start a training WebEx using a friends credentials. Credentials provided are wrong. Meeting delayed as I attempt to resolve. I feel stupid.

5:46PM – Leave work. Forget to get money for housekeeper. Huz reminds me, I have to backpedal to the bank.

5:49PM  – Call my mom for a SOTS (sickofthisshit) conversation. Mom makes me feel better and tell me a funny story about when she and my dad went to get a Christmas tree last weekend.

6:30PM – Huz and I say eff this and order a pizza.

7:00PM – Drinking ensues.